O' Death
by decorusvita
Summary: I know it's weird...but when I die, I always expected Death to come to me as a skeleton with a scythe, like what Romulus told me would happen when I was a child. What I DID NOT expect, was some smiling, Spanish bastard with a halberd. [HIATUS]
1. O' Death

_O' Death, o' Death, o' Death,_

_won't you spare me over another year?_

_But what is this, that I can't see_

_with ice cold hands taking hold of me?_

_When God is gone and the Devil takes hold,_

_who will have mercy on your soul?_

_O' Death, о' Death, o' Death._

_No wealth, no ruin, no silver, no gold,_

_nothing satisfies me but your soul._

_O' Death._

_Well, I am Death, none can excel,_

_I'll open the door to Heaven or Hell._

_O' Death, о' Death._

_My name is Death and the end is here..._

_O' Death, by Jen Titus_

* * *

**O' Death**_**  
**_

Pain. That's all I can feel as I slump against a dark alley wall, a flickering street lamp my only source of light. I use one hand to clutch at the wound in my chest, feeling warmness seep out regardless. No doubt turning my once white shirt, red. I drop my useless gun on the ground so that I can rip off my tie, which suddenly feels more like a noose than anything. The thought almost makes me want to laugh if I wasn't in such pain. Since joining the mafia, I've always been prepared to die and to do what was asked of me. Yet, despite everything that I've ever done: the blackmailing, the torture, the blood...

I never regretted a single thing.

Because I always knew that I was going to Hell, just like I always knew that I couldn't have a future. Our family was dirt poor...when our parents died, Romulus, our grandfather and only other living family member, worked day and night to try and provide enough food so that my younger brother and I could eat, as well as allow us to continue our education. A couple of months after I turned eighteen and my brother turned sixteen (we happened to have the same birthday), he died, and I knew the path that I had to take. So as the eldest, I dropped out of school and joined the mafia; I was never the scholarly type anyway. It wasn't that I wasn't smart enough, hell no! When I actually gave a shit and participated in class, I ended up knowing more than all my teachers _combined_. I could've probably gotten a full ride to college if I wanted to, but...going to college doesn't pay the bills.

And it certainly wouldn't help my brother.

Don't get me wrong, I love my little brother, but there's no way in hell that Feliciano could survive without me back then. I mean, he couldn't tie his own shoes until last year...when he turned nineteen. It didn't matter though, because he didn't have to be good at math or science in order to do what he loved: painting. He was a genius at it, always was. Feliciano felt bad and tried to also drop out of school at first, in order to help pay the bills, but I flat out beat his ass if he ever didn't get to school on time. Eventually, he gave up and continued to go to school while I did various jobs for the mafia. Whenever I had to leave for 'work', I would just tell Feliciano that what I had to do was 'incredibly important', and that's why I had to go so often and randomly. And he believed me...he _always _believed me.

He would tell me every day, with that big stupid smile on his face, how proud he was of me and how lucky he was to have a big brother like me. You would think that it would make me feel bad or some shit like that, and I mean...I kinda did when he smiled at me like that. But strangely, his words were what helped me sleep at night. Because I knew that I was going to Hell anyway, so why not let Feliciano pursue his own dreams?

I knew I was going to Hell since I was eight years old, when my own priest admonished me, saying that Heaven had no place for someone so foul-mouthed and downright sinful such as I. All because I confessed on how I thought the altar boy looked a lot cuter than any girl. I was beyond terrified back then, having only nightmares of fire and brimstone that lasted for years. But after a while, the feeling eventually became numb with acceptance. Sure, I had always liked to flirt with women, but that's as far as it would get. I tried to be physically attracted to them..._God,_ how I tried...but in the end, they were just too soft for my liking.

I suddenly laugh at loud. No one would've thought, let alone _believe_, that when confronted with Death, the infamous Lovino Vargas would become a sentimental idiot. Seriously, I'm dying in an alley in some God-forsaken town in Sicily, and _this_ is what I contemplate on?

My laugh gets cut off and I start violently coughing up blood, making my vision go slightly blurry around the edges. My body feels cold now as it slumps all the way down to the ground, using the wall as a support. I close my eyes and let my mind go blank, now silently waiting for Death to finally deliver me to damnation. It may sound weird...childish even, but I always expected the skeleton in the black robe to appear in front of me when I die, just like what Romulus told me would happen when I was a small child.

"Hola, querido_._ My, you don't look so good, do you?"

My eyes snap open, my mind suddenly alert, only to see a young Spanish man bending down in front of me, emerald eyes boring into my own. He looked to be in his late twenties, and had slightly curly brown hair that was mostly hidden under a bright red hoodie, whose sleeves looked a bit too long for him. The man is also wearing a simple pair of jeans with black Converse and, though it was hard to tell in the current light, his skin appeared to be of a natural tan color. What was really strange though (other than the fact that a man was nonchalantly watching me bleed to death in an alley), was the fact that he was carrying a black halberd with one hand casually, like it was completely natural for one to do so.

That's when it suddenly all clicked in my head.

Well...I guess it explained why I somehow wasn't dead yet...and he wasn't in a long black robe or had a scythe like I imagined but...you can't be serious. Could this bastard really be...? I scowl at the apparent 'man'.

"Well, I didn't know Death was Spanish," I retort back. Death simply laughs at me before giving me a broad white smile, making me blush with the little blood that I had left. That smile...

"I see you haven't changed...'Lovino' is it now?" he asks, continuing to just smile at me. I can't help but roll my eyes at him while fighting my blush, he still hasn't answered my question. Thankfully, it doesn't take him too long to respond.

"Ah, well, you see...I can actually change my appearance to anything I'd like, so why be something as boring and predictable as an old man or skeleton? Besides, I always rather liked the passion of the Spanish people and, to be honest, I don't change my appearance with the hope that maybe you'd recognize me this time," he rambles while anxiously scratching the back of his head. I raise an eyebrow at him, what the fuck was he blabbering on about? Suddenly he stops scratching his head and his eyes become unfocused before his lips start moving quickly. He almost looks like he's talking to someone. I'm about to ask him if he had something wrong in that empty fucking skull of his, but he snaps out of it and interrupts me.

"Anyway~! That's not the point," he states, before he suddenly turns completely serious, catching me off guard, "The point is, I would like to offer you a proposition, Lovino Vargas. One that you would be wise in not refusing." I glare at him, immediately feeling suspicious.

"What kind of proposition are we talking about, _Death_?" I ask. He groans at me.

"Don't call me that, Lovi~! That's such a depressing name~," he chides playfully, though still sounding somewhat exasperated. My face twitches at the nickname before I give the best scowl I can muster at him. Unfortunately, he looks completely unfazed by it. Bastard.

"Then what shall I call you?" I ask sarcastically, not expecting an answer. But Death grins happily at me, like I just told him that he found buried treasure. Well...assuming that gold or jewels would actually satisfy him in the first place. Something tells me that it wouldn't.

"Well, lately I've grown rather fond of the name 'Antonio'," he says, continuing to smile at me. Why did that smile look so fucking familiar...?

"Antonio," I mumble to myself, trying the name out. For some reason that I couldn't place, it seemed like a very fitting name for him. Who knew that Death liked to be called 'Antonio'?

"So~! About that proposition...are you interested?" he asks, cocking his head to the side and catching back my attention. I can't help but twitch, I should've known that Death wasn't the stereotypical 'Grim Reaper' but, I mean...come on! This guy is ridiculous! He was really hot, yeah, but–NO! I scream in my head, wanting to slap myself...hard. I just knew that my face would be red as a goddamn tomato if I actually had the blood to produce it! I mean, who calls Death, 'hot'? B-Because he's obviously not!

...

Who the hell was I trying to kid? The guy looked like he popped out of an Armani ad, for fuck's sake!

Either I take too long to respond due to my thoughts or he's very impatient, because he becomes serious once again, his emerald eyes now turning disturbingly dark.

"Unless you actually _like _being punished in Hell," he mutters gravely, his face impassive as his eyes carefully assess me. I gulp involuntarily as I feel my mind go slightly blank. He was so goddamn bipolar! Nonetheless, I shake my head, unable to trust myself to say anything comprehensible. He quickly smiles in response, leaving me wondering if that actually just happened.

"¡Bueno!" he exclaims happily, standing up straight before looking me once over, "Ah, we should probably fix you up...huh?" And with that, he simply snaps his fingers.

I suddenly don't feel cold anymore, in fact, I feel great. Which makes me look down to notice my now completely clean suit, with even my tie perfectly back in its place. I frantically feel around my chest for the gunshot wound that should've been there, but I'm unable to find it. What the fuck...?

I notice something red moving in front of me, making me look up to see 'Antonio' offering me a hand, a giant smile on his face.

I hesitate, simply staring at Antonio's offered hand. Eventually, I slowly reach out to take a hold of it, but he gets impatient and decides to instead grab my hand himself, firmly pulling me up. I immediately shiver when my hand touches his skin, goddammit his hand was fucking freezing! It was like touching ice!

"Sorry about that, querido_,_" he whispers while gently squeezing my hand, the action making me look back up at his face. My heart skips a beat, I've never had anyone look at me like that before. His eyes...they look so soft and warm...like what I imagine someone who loved me would look like. N-Not that I ever had! Dammit! I snatch my hand away from his loose grip, now trying to look at anything that wasn't him, my face heating up dangerously in temperature now that I had all of my blood back inside my body. Geez, Lovino, get a fucking grip!

"Aw, you're so cute~! Your face looks just like a tomato, mi querido~," he coos at me. My face somehow gets even _warmer_, although I still stubbornly refuse to look at the idiot. I briefly wonder if he's joking, but something in the back of my mind tells me that he's being completely serious. That bastard!

"S-Shut the fuck up!" I stutter before trying to change the subject, "J-Just tell me what this proposition of yours is already, dammit!"

The atmosphere suddenly gets dead quiet, making me shift my body uncomfortably. After what feels like hours, I finally make myself face him again, unable to take it anymore.

I almost wish I hadn't.

His face is eerily blank and still...his once bright emerald eyes now a dull green, revealing nothing. He wasn't even blinking.

"Of course...Lovino Vargas, this is my proposition to you. I won't send you to Hell if you, yourself, kill your brother and send him to damnation in your place," he says, his face unchanging while he stares down at me.


	2. Deal?

**Deal?**_**  
**_

"Wha–," I start to say, not fully comprehending what he just told me.

"It's not his time to die, nor a punishment that he deserves, but in the end I figured that it was a fair trade. After all, you've killed _a lot_ of people," he interrupts. I stare at him in utter shock, though realization is slowly starting to dawn on me. Does he really expect me to do..._that _to Feliciano? My little brother? But why–?

"However, I just can't let you off the hook either. You must be punished in _some_ way, so the person who takes your place in Hell has to be the one that's most dear to you. Hence, your brother," he continues casually, like we were discussing the weather or some other kind of mundane shit. I suddenly feel nothing but pure anger when I finally realize what his so called 'offer' was and what he was asking me to do. The fucking nerve of this _jackass_! Like I would even_ consider_ doing that to Feliciano! It wasn't _his_ fault that I joined the mafia, and it certainly wasn't his fault that I was...was...

I mean, the nerve of this motherfucker!

"No," I grit out, my hands balling into fists as my teeth start grinding against one another in an effort to keep myself under control.

Needless to say, it wasn't working jack _shit_.

"No?" he asks, raising an eyebrow in seeming confusion. The rest of his face continues to have that damned blank look about it.

"No," I repeat slowly. I could feel the sting of my nails as they dig deeper into my palms, something warm now dripping down and onto the pavement below me. Antonio was quiet again, allowing me to hear each individual drop of blood as it hit the cold concrete ground.

"You do realize that you'll be sent to Hell then...right? There will be no going back. Once there, you will suffer until the very ends of time," he says, while taking one step closer to me. Any closer and our chests would be touching, but I'm too fucking angry to be embarrassed at this point.

"I know that," I answer, starting to see red cloud my vision. Why was the fucking bastard _pushing_ this?

"You've killed and tortured hundreds of men in order to avoid the punishment from your 'boss' if you refused to comply. So why would your brother be any diff–"

"I SAID _NO_, DAMMIT!" I scream at him, unable to take it anymore as I cut the fucker off mid-sentence. I instantly regret yelling at him; his eyes flashing from that dull green to sharp emerald in an instant. Before I can even register what's happening, his cold hand grasps itself around my throat tightly and slams me back into the wall, knocking the wind out of me. He continues to hold me there with that one hand, while in my peripheral I see his halberd now being held against my cheek, feeling the blade as it dug into my flesh.

"Don't test my patience, _chico_," he growls, tightening his grip around my throat for emphasis. Despite the fact that I could hardly breathe, my body remains surprisingly motionless, with only my eyes widening in shock. The air around us feels extremely cold now, the feeling of death heavy in the air. It reminded me of the fact that I wasn't talking to a human being, but to Death itself. But as quickly as my daze came, I snap out of it, now feeling the familiar anger start to boil up inside me again, having it only been temporarily halted due to my initial surprise. My hands fly up to the hand that was still around my throat, trying in vain to get him to release his grip on me. The fucking bastard doesn't even seem to notice, even as my nails start to break through his skin. _Ugh_, _fuck_ him with his stupid _fucking_ inhuman strength!

"It's not like you ever truly cared about human life before anyway, so why do you even care about protecting your brother's?" he continues mockingly, "You, who have ruthlessly slaughtered hundreds of men...I don't think you realize just how _old_, I am. I have existed since the beginning of time and even _I_ rarely see such carnage and 'creativity.' It reminded me of the medieval era." I'm about to snap something back at him but he only tightens his hand around my throat, forcing me to remain silent.

"So how _dare_ you raise your voice at me. You, an insignificant human, when I offer you salvation in the the face of damnation," he states icily. My chest tightens rather painfully when he calls me insignificant, and I halt in my movements. It was so strange...because it was a word that I was far too familiar with. Over the years, I had even gotten desensitized from it, but...the fact that _he _said it made me feel so...so...

_No!_ I yell in my head, allowing my anger to return full force in order to replace the foreign ache in my chest. I use the last of my strength and somehow am able to successfully tear his hand away from my throat.

"How dare _you_ expect me to do that to my little brother!" I scream, unaffected by Antonio's murderous looking expression. He looks like he's about to say something else, but I cut him off.

"You said so yourself that it wasn't his time to die, and you expect me to send him to _Hell_ no less! He doesn't deserve that! You're not even making any sense! So don't fucking expect me to go along with this, _you fucking bastard_!" I screech, something faintly registering in the back of my mind while I'm screaming at him. The harshness in his eyes suddenly disappears, his facial expression dramatically changing, a look of desperation now crossing his features. All the while, I feel his halberd being moved away from my cheek, instead feeling him place his palm lightly along the base of my throat.

"So what does that _mean_, mi querido?" he whispers almost pleadingly, his eyes now looking at me with such intense emotion, though I couldn't identify what exactly that emotion was. Consciously, the question doesn't make any sense to me, but I hear my voice act on its own accord. For some reason, it felt like something clicked in the back of my mind and a strange feeling of understanding washes over me. Like I've been trying to figure out this one truth for a while now.

"It means that you can't interfere with the natural order of this world! Death is inevitable, and you can't change that! Everyone has to die when it's their time and–!," I get cut off mid-sentence when a pair of cold lips gently, yet urgently, collide with my own.


	3. World So Cold

**World So Cold  
**

My whole body becomes tense when his lips touch mine, my mind unable to fully process the sudden action. I don't have much time to think though, because all logical thoughts fly right out the motherfucking window when he gently tries to deepen the kiss. That's when my brain decides to promptly shut down and a powerful feeling of desire washes over me, making my body automatically relax while my mouth eagerly opens to allow him entrance. My eyes close and I can't stop myself from moaning when I taste his tongue with my own. He didn't taste like 'death' at all...though, I couldn't quite figure out the exact flavor either, making my body crave it even more. His taste kinda reminded me of autumn...if you could actually _give_ autumn a taste. He tasted like cinnamon almost, spicy yet cool...but there was also something sweet mixed in with it...vanilla maybe? But it was also pleasingly bitter at the same time...

While I'm trying to figure out his exact taste, I faintly hear something heavy fall on the ground before I feel his hands grabbing onto my waist, pulling me closer to him so that our bodies were now completely flushed together. My hands instinctively weave themselves into his hair in order to pull his face closer to mine, and despite feeling the coldness of his skin, that's not why my body starts shivering, as it continues to feel increasingly warm. I-It felt so familiar being like this..._natural_ even...why–?

"Sorry to interrupt, Boss, but we have a _serious _problem!"

A woman's voice snaps me out of my daze and I stop kissing him instantly. D-Did I just...? My eyes widen in realization, my hands already moving to his chest to try and push him away but with little success, as Antonio refused to let go of my waist. I'm panting heavily as I struggle to get out of his grip, not wanting to believe what I just did. I mean, what in the flying fuck was wrong with me? This _bastard_ wanted me to kill and send Feliciano to Hell and I was..._kissing_ him? And I...I actually _liked_ it too, _a lot_...that thought alone makes it almost impossible for me to breathe. How could I do that to Feliciano? My only living family...my little brother! I'm unable to stop a few tears from running down my face, as I continue to try and get out of his iron grip, getting more and more frustrated by the second. Goddammit all! Why won't he fucking let go of me!

"Antonio, you need to let go of him...you can't force him to remember. If you try to, you'll only regret it later on...," whispers the same voice from before, a sad tone replacing her earlier urgency. Antonio looks confused for a moment and doesn't do anything, simply watching my face carefully before he nods solemnly and reluctantly lets go, the action (along with my near frantic struggling) making me fall backwards until I hit the wall. Before my mind can even register that I'm free, my body is already stumbling away from the alley as fast as it can, making sure to take the route that was away from those two...fuck, I don't even_ know _anymore!

Everything becomes a blur as I keep running until I physically can't run anymore, the burning in my lungs forcing me stop in the middle of some random park. As soon as I slow down to a walk, I allow my body to crumple down on the ground, grateful when I land on the soft grass instead of the hardness of the dirt path. I simply lie there and breathe rapidly, the adrenaline still coursing through my veins. Letting my eyes close, I focus on my heart rate as it starts to gradually slow down, not wanting to think about what happened just yet. After a long moment, my mind starts to wander and I finally let the images of what happened flow into my mind, trying to make _some_ sense of it all. When I find none, I groan and have the overwhelming need to curl into a ball, but simultaneously feeling too lazy and tired to do it. How the fuck can I make sense of what just happened when it doesn't make any fucking sense to _begin_ with? Maybe...maybe it was all just some fucking demented dream? I subconsciously lift a couple of fingers to my lips, no...it wasn't a dream. No matter how hard I try to deny that fact, I already know it deep down...besides, everything just felt too real and..._familiar_..._why _did it feel so _fucking_ familiar...?

I grit my teeth in frustration and feel like slamming a fist into the ground as hard as I can, why doesn't anything make sense anymore, dammit!

"You really shouldn't run off like that, querido...it's not safe, you know."

My eyes snap open and I frantically scramble up until I'm standing, looking around me but only seeing the surrounding trees and a couple of scattered lampposts here and there. What the–?

"Up here."

I immediately look up to see Antonio lounging comfortably on a tree branch, his figure illuminated by a lamppost that was somewhat close by. His expression was unreadable while his emerald eyes seemed to practically glow in the dim light, staring down at me unblinkingly.

"What the fuck do you want from me!" I demand angrily, though I'm unable to stop the feeling of fear from bubbling up inside me. No matter how hard I fucking tried, I couldn't get rid of it...the feeling was too overwhelming. It made it much worse not knowing what I was exactly afraid of...

I _knew_ that it wasn't Antonio himself though...for whatever reason. Even though that didn't make _any_ fucking sense whatsoever when I thought about it...

B-But it got me thinking...if I wasn't afraid of Antonio then...

What was I so afraid of?

Antonio looks saddened all of a sudden, a frown forming on his face.

"You're afraid...," he whispers remorsefully, ignoring my question. I'm about open my mouth and deny it, but his voice interrupts me, "Why is it that you still don't remember me?" His tone wasn't angry, it just sounded defeated...

_Devastated_, almost.

"Stop talking in fucking riddles and answer me, dammit!" I scream, now trying to also push back this unexplainable feeling of guilt at the hurt in his voice, "What the fuck do you _want_ from me?" Antonio cocks his head to the side and furrows his eyebrows.

"Isn't that obvious?" he asks softly, disbelief in his voice before he's gone in a blink of an eye. Before I can register what happened, I feel two familiar arms wrap themselves around my body delicately, as if terrified that I would break.

"Can you really not figure it out, mi querido?" Antonio breathes in my ear, his voice sending a shiver down my spine that, to my utter embarrassment, wasn't entirely unpleasant. I start blushing madly and begin to struggle to get out of his grip, but as soon as I start to move he lets go of me instantly. Turning around, I'm about to scream at the bastard, only to stop when I find no one there. Looking around, I spot Antonio on the same branch as before, only this time he's standing on top of it.

"But you tried to get me to kill my little brother and send him to Hell!" I reason, even _if _he was telling the truth...even _if_ he cared so much about me like he seemed to suggest...why the fuck would he try to force me to do something as...as _monstrous_ as that to Feliciano? It didn't make any sense!

Much to my surprise, as soon as the words leave my mouth, Antonio's expression begins to morph into one of pure anguish.

"I had no choice but to tell you that! I had to do _something_ drastic this time or you would've failed again!" he defends, his tone desperate, "If I went with the original deal of only killing a loved one like all the previous times, then you would've had no reason not to!" I feel my face twitch uncontrollably, feeling_ extremely_ offended by his statement.

"Like hell I would, bastard!" I shriek at him, the motherfucking nerve of this asshole! Antonio lifts a disbelieving eyebrow at me.

"Are you saying you wouldn't have just killed him if it meant not suffering in Hell for eternity?" he asks, but before I can respond he cuts me off and continues, "After all, he _will_ die one day...there is no being of Life that can escape that fate." As much as I wanted to adamantly deny his words, I find myself unable to make myself do so. I feel the all too familiar feeling of self-disgust multiplied tenfold when I realize _why_ I couldn't make myself deny it because...because I realized that his words were indeed true. I love my little brother, and he was everything to me...I would do _anything _to keep him safe and happy but...but would I be really be willing to suffer in _Hell_ for all eternity in exchange for his life? I...I fucking _hated_ thinking it but...but if it meant that he didn't have to suffer, and that he'd go to Heaven instead of Hell, a-and...I gulp loudly, it was so _easy_ to come up with multiple reasons on why it would be 'okay' that it sickened me to my very core...how could I even _think_ about doing that to him? The devastating guilt threatens to swallow me whole as I feel something wet start to flow down my face, how could I keep betraying Feliciano like this? I must not be even _human_ to even _consider_ it...m-my priest was right: I really _don't_ deserve to be lov–

My thoughts are interrupted when I feel myself being held in someone's strong arms, holding me close to their chest with my face tucked in the crook of their neck, as one hand delicately weaves its fingers through my hair. I don't move a muscle as their other hand starts to rub small circles in my back, obviously trying to calm me down. It works for some reason, and all the pain and guilt starts to slowly melt away until my entire being is left feeling numb. I continue to allow Antonio to hold me, unable to find the strength, let alone the fucking will, to push him away.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, mi querido...," Antonio mutters softly, "That is a _completely_ different circumstance. Remember, you didn't waver for a moment when refusing to send your brother to Hell...do you think a human with such a 'tainted soul' as you believe yourself to have, would have done the same? But, querido...did you ever stop to really_ think_ about the deal?" I frown at his question, still feeling slightly disconnected from my body. What was he trying to say?

"Do you think it makes sense...to trade a person's place in Hell by killing another?" he elaborates gently when he doesn't hear a response from me, "Let alone allow someone as pure as Feliciano to suffer in Hell for the sins of another?"

"What are you saying...?" I finally ask, still not being able to fully grasp his words, though my mind was starting to clear up enough that I felt like I already knew the answer.

"You just said the words yourself, remember...?" he responds patiently, rubbing his nose against my hair, "Death is inevitable and everyone must die when it's their time..."

"And no one can interfere with the natural order of this world...," I mutter, finishing his sentence for him, his words finally clicking in my head. So that would mean that he...? I quickly move back and push myself away from Antonio, faintly registering how though he immediately complied and let go, he kept his hand on my waist.

"You lied to me," I state simply, surprising _myself_ on how unangry I felt, "Why?"

"I already told you," he answers, but answers my question nonetheless, "I had to do something drastic this time, even if it meant breaking my promise to you. I couldn't bear to watch you suffer anymore..."

"What are you talking abou–?"

"Shall I help remind you then, querido?" he interrupts, moving a cold hand to tenderly cup my cheek, his emerald eyes staring at me with such intensity that I feel my voice die in my throat, "Emma was right, I can't force you to remember...after all, I don't want to destroy your sanity by making you remember six hundred and eighty-four years all at once...though I _can_ make the process _much_ easier for you. But I can't do that unless you _want_ me to. So tell me 'Lovino'...," Antonio pauses for a moment to slowly lean in, placing a small kiss to each cheek before he moves his head to murmur in my ear, "Do you _want_ to remember? Do you _really _want to know the truth?"

My eyes widen and I swallow loudly, continuing to remain silent as his questions repeat themselves over and over in my head.

_Do you **really **want to know the truth?_

_Do you **want** to remember?_

The answer that immediately came to mind was 'yes'...because I _desperately_ wanted to know why he felt so familiar...why he holds me the way he does, why he k-k-kissed me the way he did...

Why I felt so _safe_ with him, despite everything that he's done...

B-But then there was this other part of me that had this sinking feeling that if I said 'yes', the truth could possibly end up consuming me.

That's when I finally understood...that _that _was what _truly_ terrified me all along...

It was the 'truth'.

Because I wasn't entirely sure if I would be able handle it.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter was named after the song, World So Cold, by Three Days Grace._  
_


	4. Oceans and Fireflies

**Oceans and Fireflies  
**

"Well?" Antonio asks, his voice pulling me out of my thoughts and making me _fully_ aware of how close our bodies were to each other, the realization making me blush. Fuck...why does he have to be so fucking _close_? H-How can he fucking expect me to think properly like this, dammit! Before I can do or say anything however, I suddenly feel Antonio's hands gently holding onto my waist as he starts to lightly rub his nose in my hair, mumbling to himself on how nice I smelled or...some..._shit_ like that. When he does that, my body tenses slightly and I feel my face rapidly get warmer, my mind starting to become hazy. F-Fuck, that is not helping _at all_!

"Well, what do you say?" Antonio asks again before pulling back to look at my face with brilliant emerald eyes, an unsure smile on his face. When he notices my expression however, his smile falls and he furrows his eyebrows, cocking his head to the side, "Um...is something the matter, _mi_ _querido_?"

"I-I'm fine! J-J-Just give me some fucking space, d-dammit!" I snap rather weakly, still trying to get my jumbled thoughts together, which was damn near impossible since the bastard was _still_ too fucking close! G-God...didn't he know the meaning of 'personal space'? Antonio blinks rapidly in confusion for a moment before leaning his face back a bit more so that he can carefully look at my face. He stares at me for a good minute or two before a look of realization crosses his features, a mischievous glint now in his eyes as he chuckles rather darkly. I gulp heavily, o-oh _God_...

W-W-Why is he looking at me like _t-that_...?

"I don't think so, querido...you see...I _like _being this close to you," he replies lowly, smirking as he roughly pulls me even closer to him. I yelp from the sudden action as my blush deepens, but anything I wanted to yell in objection at the bastard was instantly forgotten when Antonio swiftly bends his head down to place small nips along my throat. My mind becomes even hazier, and I'm unable to stop myself from closing my eyes and moaning, _especially_ when he starts to slowly, uh..._l-lick_ each place he bit...

"So...back to my earlier question, querido, what is your answer?" Antonio murmurs against my throat, before I feel him gradually move away. I'm slightly out of breath when my eyes partially open, only to see him moving his head back so that he can press his forehead against my own, his cool breathe now tickling my lips, "If you say 'yes', I promise that you won't regret it..."

"I...uh...," I pant out feebly, a part of me trying to clear my mind of the haze, but failing so goddamn miserably. _Fuck_, c-can't fucking _think_ right now, dammit...

"'I'...?" Antonio presses, moving his hands under my shirt to teasingly graze the skin there, the sudden sensitivity making me gasp, my eyes widening in surprise.

"I-I-I...I...ah, _fuck_, I-I don't know, d-dammit," I finally stutter out, goddammit...w-what the _fuck_ was the question again...?

"You don't know...?" Antonio asks softly, one of his hands starting to lazily trace small patterns along my lower stomach, going _dangerously_ close to the waistband of my pants, causing my whole body to involuntarily shiver, "Just say 'yes' then. That's _all_ I need to hear,_ mi querido_..."

For some odd reason, something about that statement clears up my mind a little and I frown, though I couldn't quite figure out _why _what he said didn't sit well with me...what exactly was I saying 'yes' to anyway? But before I can voice my question, Antonio tenderly brushes his lips against my own, effectively shutting me up and clouding up my mind again.

"Just say 'yes'," he mumbles against my mouth, before gently licking my bottom lip, eliciting a small moan from me.

"Yes," I whisper without thinking, feeling Antonio smirk against my lips as soon as the word leaves my mouth.

"If that is what you wish, mi querido," he purrs, moving his hand that was on my stomach to place it directly over my heart. His cold hand then firmly presses down and for some reason, that action makes me feel odd as a strange pressure starts to spread throughout my body. I quickly find myself having an exceedingly _difficult_ time breathing, my heart starting to pound rapidly in my chest. W-What the fuck was happening? It felt...it felt like my heart was about to burst open any second...

I can barely feel Antonio place a soft kiss on my lips before nuzzling his face against my hair, the world starting to spin around me as my heart continues to beat faster and faster, to the point where I can't feel each individual heartbeat anymore.

"Everything will be okay...just try to take deep breathes...," Antonio's voice mutters in my ear, my eyes struggling to stay open against the growing darkness that was slowly invading my vision, "It'll all be over very soon..."

That's the last thing I remember hearing before my entire world was consumed in darkness.

**–xXx–**

_My entire body is being suspended deep under the ocean's surface, though I'm not deep enough that I can't see the sun. Despite the depth, the water didn't feel cold at all. In fact, I can somehow feel the sunlight's warmth that was shining through the water. I don't know how the hell I got here though...or even how long it's been. Five minutes? Five seconds? A day? A **year**? I can't fucking tell anymore..._

_But I'm not alone. There are these firefly-looking things floating all around me...and there are so **many** of them too. It was like they were part of the sea themselves as they drifted all around me, close enough to me that I could reach out and touch them if I wanted to. These **'fireflies'**...if I reach out my hand to touch one of them, I can catch a small glimpse of what it contains, at least for a couple of seconds or so. It was like watching a small...movie of sorts. Each one contained its own unique sounds, sensations, thoughts, and emotions...even a few that had different **tastes**, but I couldn't interfere with what happened in them. I could only watch helplessly as they played out...feeling and experiencing it for myself as if they were a part of my very being...a vital part of who I was. I couldn't explain **why** I felt that way though...and it didn't help that I could **barely** remember what most of these 'fireflies' contained to begin with. And for the ones that I **could** fully remember, they were too fucking confusing...clouded over with some kind of strange fog._

_Something suddenly catches my attention at the corner of my eye, and I turn my head to look towards it to see what it could be. Of course, it was a 'firefly', but unlike the other ones, **this** one glowed a lot brighter...something about it telling me that **this** one was an important one for me to 'see'. I slowly reach out my hand towards it, but I'm unable to touch it, as it's too far away. If only it was closer...  
_

_As if it knowing what I desired, the 'firefly' floats towards me until it until my fingers barely touch it, immediately 'showing' me what was inside. I could tell already that **this** one was different...it was clearer than the others, and I somehow knew that although it was still rather fuzzy, it would forever be ingrained in my mind. _

_I'm lying down in some filthy ditch, my body feeling unnaturally limp and cold as I look up, cursing the now scorching, hot, sun that was above me. Even if I could move, I wouldn't...knowing that if I did, I would feel the pain in my neck, arms, or legs..._

_My body was dying...I could **feel** it...the excruciating pain as I felt myself dying at, what felt like, a tortuously slow rate._

_But then, that same sun that I had cursed earlier was suddenly being blocked by a cloaked figure carrying a black halberd. For whatever reason, I can't see most of the figure's face, only able to make out a friendly white smile. As I watch the scene play out before my very eyes, I can't help but think that there was something about that smile that was familiar to me...__like I've seen it somewhere recently_...

_The figure's mouth is then moving, saying something to me, and though I can't hear the exact words that the figure is saying, I feel like I can almost understand them somehow. I knew that they were offering something very important to me...something that would help explain **something**__ that I, myself, felt like needed answering, but before I can try to figure out what exactly the figure was offering, all the sounds and colors dissolve away before my very eyes, fading into nothingness._

**–xXx–**_  
_

My eyes snap open and I gasp in a ragged breathe, my body automatically bolting upright to a sitting position. I'm covered in a thin layer of sweat as I pant heavily, the dream still fresh in my mind. I lift up a hand to cover my eyes as I struggle to regulate my breathing, unsure of what to make of it all. It felt so _real_...and...and that figure...it kinda reminded me of Antonio...

I peek through my fingers and blanch, finding myself sitting in a king-sized bed that was _definitely_ not my own. That realization clears up my sluggish mind a bit, and I slightly panic when I _finally_ notice the over-sized, bright, red hoodie that I was wearing, along with a pair of boxers that I don't remember even _owning_. What the fuck! That explains why I'm sweating, b-but why the _fuck_ am I even wearing these, dammit! Wasn't I in a suit or something...? Wait, back up! I think the _slightly_ more important question is: where the hell am I! Taking a frantic look around me to hopefully answer that question, I find myself in a huge, yet strangely empty, white room; the only piece of furniture being the bed that I was currently sitting in. When I look to my left, I see a giant pair of ornate glass doors that were opened to a patio that appeared to be overlooking the ocean. My suspicions are confirmed when a slight breeze blows in my face, making me smell the saltiness of the ocean, along with me finally noticing the sounds of seagulls. I could also hear the ocean's waves crashing onto some rocks, sounding like they were coming from right below the fucking _patio_. My body doesn't move an inch as I stare out at the ocean, completely bewildered and so fucking _confused_ beyond words. I mean...this was...but, how...when did I...? Holy _shit_...

Where the fuck _am_ I?


	5. Worthless

**Worthless**

Seriously...where the fuck am I?

I groan and tear my eyes away from the ocean, roughly rubbing my temple with my fingers as I try in vain to come up with an explanation. Dammit, why is it so fucking hard to _remember_? Everything is so goddamn fuzzy...the last thing that I can remember clearly before that really strange dream was Antonio offering to help me 'remember the truth', but then...nothing. Absolutely _nothing_. Fucking shit, just what did I get myself into _this_ time?

"Lovi...? What are you doing awake?"

My head snaps up towards the voice to see a young woman carrying a small bowl in one hand, the other holding the door handle to a recently opened door that was (apparently) adjacent to the bed I was currently sitting in. The woman had wavy, blonde hair that ended at her chin, a couple of stray bangs framing olive-green eyes. In her hair was a black headband with two bows adorned on each side, matching the color of the short and intricate Victorian-style dress she was wearing. I remain silent as I carefully look at her surprised expression, unsure of what to make of her. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there was something about this woman that seemed very familiar to me...like I've already met her before. Or maybe it's just because her voice sounded so familiar...?

While my mind continues to try and figure out what it could possibly be, the woman takes a small, cautious step towards me, the action snapping me out of my thoughts and making my body tense up. She immediately stops moving as I anxiously wait for her next move, watching her body language closely.

"I know that you're probably really confused right now...after all, you _were_ asleep for quite some time," the woman says gently after a long silence, her eyes seeming to search mine for something, "Just know that you're completely safe here, okay? No one will be able to hurt you anymore."

I simply narrow my eyes at her in response. Does she seriously expect me to fucking believe something as idiotic as _that_? Just because she said I was 'safe', didn't mean shit. How much of a naïve dumbass does she take me for? She's going to have to do much better than that if she wants to fool _me_.

The woman seems notice my skepticism because her face immediately darkens, showing me her true colors. It almost makes me smirk in satisfaction if the situation I was in wasn't so serious. I just _knew_ that she was a no good, lying bit–

"Trust me, Lovino," she mutters dangerously, her words shocking me out of my thoughts and making me more than a bit surprised to notice the sheer emotion in her eyes. They were filled with such intense hatred...though it didn't feel like it was at all directed towards me. "I can assure you that Antonio is making damn sure that _he _will never harm you again."

The name shocks me even more for some reason, my eyes widening in sudden realization. Even though it should've been obvious if I had actually thought about it, but I guess it just never crossed my mind until now that _Antonio_ was the one behind all this, despite him being the last real thing I can remember clearly. But still...

Why would Antonio _do_ something like this...? What could he possibly hope to gain from fucking _kidnapping_ me? Shouldn't I be dead already? None of this makes any fucking sense...

"Why do you look so confused?" the woman asks curiously, the hate in her eyes instantly gone as she stares at my expression, furrowing her eyebrows, "Surely Antonio has already explai–?"

She suddenly stops talking mid-sentence, rapidly blinking in confusion. After a short pause the woman lets out an exasperated groan, a look of realization crossing her own features.

"Don't tell me he didn't...do you even have a _clue_ on how this all started, or even _where_ you are? Or what's currently happening for that matter?" she asks incredulously, waiting calmly before I numbly shake my head 'no', still more than a bit confused. As soon as I respond, the woman looks down at the floor and sighs in minor frustration.

"Then it's no wonder you're being so distrustful towards me...," the woman mutters to herself, sighing sadly before looking back up at me to give me a small, sheepish smile, "I'm really sorry, this all must be even more overwhelming than I had originally thought...how about I start with my name first. You can call me 'Emma'."

"Why the fuck am I here?" I croak out finally, wincing in pain at the dryness of my throat, automatically grabbing it with one hand. _Fuck_, it feels like I had recently swallowed a bunch of sand or some shit. My body jumps in surprise when a small bowl is suddenly being thrust in my vision, making me look up to see 'Emma' now standing right besides the bed, a concerned look on her face.

"You shouldn't be talking just yet...here, drink this," she commands softly, offering me the bowl in her hands. I don't go to grab it though, instead staring at it with unease.

"It's just water, Lovino," Emma chuckles softly, patiently urging me to take the bowl, "Come on, it won't bite. I've read that water can actually help to rehydrate a sore throat." I can't help but let out a small sigh at her pushiness. She reminded me of how Feliciano acted on the rare chance I got sick. But why am I getting the feeling that unlike Feliciano, she's not going to stop bugging me until I drink the goddamn water?

"Unless you want me to never leave you alone again, I suggest you drink~!" she sings cheerfully, laughing when she sees me stubbornly shake my head in protest. When I still don't take the bowl from her after awhile, she stops laughing to instead give me a contemplative look. "Tell you what, Lovino. If you drink all the water that's in this bowl, I'll answer any question that you ask of me. I'm sure you probably have a million of them by now, am I right?"

I stare down at the bowl thoughtfully, mulling over her words for a moment. Well...I _do_ need some answers, dammit...and besides, I'd rather her not force the water down my throat. Something tells me that she's not at all above doing such a thing. A little uncertain, I reach out and grab the bowl from her with both hands, holding onto it firmly before bringing it towards my dry lips. As I'm drinking, the water immediately soothes my throat, in the process realizing just how thirsty I was. I continue to drink from it hungrily until I've completely finished the bowl in only a couple of seconds, the bowl being gently taken away from me when I've finished, allowing me to see the triumphant grin on Emma's face.

"See~? That wasn't so hard was it~?" she asks playfully, laughing when I'm unable to stop myself from scowling back at her. After a moment, she finally stops laughing, though that huge grin still remains on her face as she looks at me thoughtfully.

"Hm...maybe it'd also be a good idea for you to take a bath first before I answer any questions. Since you've been asleep for so long, I'm sure you're probably feeling very dirty and uncomfortable right now," Emma states casually, giggling in amusement when my hand automatically goes up to comb through my hair at her words. My face contorts to one of pure disgust at how greasy and dirty it felt between my fingers. What the fuck?

"Well, your bathroom is right through this door and on your immediate right," she continues, nodding her head back towards the direction of the door that she came from earlier, "It should have all the basics like shampoo and soap in there, so why don't you go on and get yourself washed up. I'll be right back, I just need to ask Daan if we have any clean clothes that you can change into when you're done. I'll knock on door when I return and set them right outside the door, okay~?"

Before I can object and demand her to answer my questions now, Emma has already swiftly turned around to exit through the open door, leaving it wide open behind her. After I hear a soft 'click' of a closing door from the other room, I let out a frustrated sigh. Again, why does it feel like I don't have a motherfucking choice in the matter? Deciding that there was no way I was just going to sit here either way, I slide off the large bed and place my bare feet on the carpeted floor, violently shuddering when I become much more aware of how sticky and utterly _disgusting _my whole body felt. All of a sudden taking a bath didn't also sound like such a bad idea after all. _Fuck_, why does it feel like I haven't properly bathed for a fucking _month _or something?

Cautiously making my way out of the bedroom, I poke my head out of the door to find myself looking into another white room, though this one was much smaller than the one I was just in. Following the woman's instructions, I ignore the door on my left and immediately go to the one on my right, grabbing the door's handle to hesitatingly open it. The door isn't even halfway open before I let out an involuntary gasp, taking in the sight of the room before me. I completely open the door to reveal the rest of the grand bathroom, the sunlight from the bay windows showing the smooth, polished, white marble counters and floor. Walking all the way inside, I close the door behind me, automatically locking it out of habit. I stand there for a moment, simply in awe as I glance at the large, elegant mirror that hanged over a pair of sinks before my gaze settles on the clawfoot bathtub nestled in front of the bay windows.

Shaking my head to get out of my strange stupor, I walk towards the bathtub, allowing my fingers to graze the marble countertops along the way. It's so weird...being in such a luxurious place...throughout most of my life, I was use to living and 'working' in various run-down shitholes. It wasn't until I started working for the mafia for a couple of months that I was finally able to at least buy Feliciano a nicer place to come home to. The house itself was a bit small and cramped, but it was in a much safer neighborhood, and it was the best that I could do at the time without arousing any suspicion from the authorities. Besides, it had a separate room for each of us, along with all the basic necessities such as electricity and running water, so that's what really mattered to me in the end. Even so...it was _nothing_ compared to this place...

When I finally reach the tub, I turn on the water and wait for it to get warm, grabbing the rubber cork and putting it in the drain when it finally does, letting my mind wander back to what Emma said earlier. There's just no way in hell that Emma and I were talking about the same Antonio, right...? I mean, this place didn't seem like...well, _him_ to begin with. Everything about it so far was simply too _grand_...it was like a place that _I'd _rather live in, not Antonio. He seemed more...simple, I guess, if his clothes were anything to go by. I snort at the thought. That's right, his jeans were completely worn-out! And that bright, red hoodie was so–!

My thoughts suddenly get cut off mid-sentence, my body completely frozen as the tub continues to fill up with water. I look down at myself to see the over-sized, bright, red hoodie that I was currently wearing, though it certainly didn't belong to me. T-There's no way in hell that _this_ hoodie is the same one, right...?

...

Oh, dear _God_.

Finally putting two and two together, I start blushing madly and quickly stand up in order to yank the hoodie off of me, not shivering _at all_ from the mere idea of wearing something of his. I've just pulled my head through the hole when I briefly get a strong whiff of something sweet, yet somewhat smoky, the familiar smell making me hesitate for a moment. Against my better judgment, I lean in a bit closer to the fabric and close my eyes, taking a deep breathe from it. The smell kinda reminded me of that one Christmas...when our parents bought Feliciano and I marshmallows for the first, and only, time. Our father had made just enough extra money that year to give us something special for the holidays...I had to have been no older than seven at the time. I almost smile as I vividly remember how disappointed I had felt when I tried roasting one over that dingy crap of a fireplace we had, only to have my mother chuckle at my blackened shit of a marshmallow. That's when she had traded me her perfectly roasted marshmallow with my own, a soft smile on her face. When I had bluntly asked her why she would do something like that, my mother had simply laughed and told me how much Feliciano and I meant to her and my father, and how much they would always lo–

I snap out of the memory when I realize just _where_ my thoughts were heading, my body automatically tearing the hoodie completely off of me in order to distract my mind from reliving it any further. My breathing starts to become shaky when I finally throw it onto the cold, marble floor, unable to make myself look at it. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than for that damned hoodie to burn...to disappear until nothing was left of it, wishing that there was also some way to erase those goddamn memories along with it. Fucking shit, what is _wrong_ with me...? Why here? Why _now_? How many times had I told myself as a child that there was no point in reminiscing about such _stupid_ things? Even now, pining like some goddamn brat wouldn't change a single fucking thing. They're both dead, and nothing will ever change that.

Besides...it was better this way anyway. It wouldn't have been long until they both found out what I was, and then they too, would hate me. After all, wasn't it only a year later when my priest finally discovered my 'condition'?

I grimace at the thought, that's right...I'm nothing more than an abomination, aren't I? Some freak of nature? A creature worth little more than the dirt on the ground that not even God, _Himself_, could ever love...

A creature that didn't even _deserve_ to be loved.

Looking down at the tub, I notice how full it was and sluggishly turn off the water. I don't even bother to take off the boxers I still have on, instead climbing inside the massive tub. As soon as I enter the water, it starts to cling to my body uncomfortably, but I really couldn't make myself care at the moment...I just wanted the hot water to wash away all this fucking filth, and not just the dirt that was on my skin...

Sighing, I look up at the giant mirror across from me and stare at my own reflection, my blank expression looking right back at me.

I really don't give a shit if God would never love me though, because it _doesn't matter_. I don't need to be loved, I don't even _want_ it. Not from Him, or anyone else for that matter. As long as Feliciano was safe and happy, then that's all I would ever need.

Feliciano...he was the one who always stood by my side and simply _loved me_, no matter what. Even when he was told by our priest what I was, he refused to do anything other than love me. He really shouldn't have though, because in the end, I had betrayed him in the worst possible way. I know now that I don't even deserve love from _him_...

I notice my reflection's face now sneering at me, mocking me through the mirror. That's right, the all-too-familiar voice hisses at me, you betrayed Feliciano, you kissed Antonio back after he had threatened Feliciano's safety, and then you couldn't even deny the fact that you would kill him yourself if it meant not suffering in Hell. Some older brother _you _are. You really are an abomination that doesn't deserve even an ounce of love, and you know it.

I curl my legs up to my chest as I continue to listen to the whispers, wrapping my arms around my legs and hiding my face in my knees, allowing my eyelids to flutter shut. It continues to tell me about how Feliciano is much safer without me around, and how he didn't need me anymore.

My entire being feels hollow at their words, their whispering finally dying down when I acknowledge how true those words are. Feliciano _doesn't_ need me anymore...in fact, he's better off without me. I've completely failed him; I couldn't even do the _one simple task_ of protecting him...

I hold onto my legs even tighter, my grip on the verge of becoming painful. Feliciano will be more than fine, even without his success as an artist, he won't ever have to worry about money again, and I know deep down that no matter how much I _hate_ that fucking potato bastard, he will always watch over Feliciano and keep him safe. Especially with me out of the picture. Hell, it wouldn't be long before Feliciano, himself, would eventually forget about me and move on with his life. It would be as though I never existed in the first place.

After all, who in their right mind would miss something as worthless as dirt?


	6. Life's A Bitch

**Life's A Bitch**

A loud knock suddenly echoes through the bathroom, the sound disrupting my thoughts and making me jump slightly. I lift my head up from my knees in order to better glance at the door in question.

"Hey, Lovi!" Emma's muffled voice chirps, "I'm gonna put the clean clothes right next to the door, okay~? Come meet me in your bedroom when you're done so we can talk."

Remembering her earlier promise to answer any questions that I had, I soon realize that the bath water was now cold. I curse to myself under my breathe. Shit, has it really been _that_ long? What the fuck!

"I'll be right out!" I call out absentmindedly, determined to finally get myself some fucking answers as I make sure to clean and dry myself as quickly as humanly possible. Thankfully through the entire process of stumbling out of the tub and grabbing the clothes, I managed not to trip and fall flat on my face. Though there were way too many fucking times where I came pretty damn close.

Throwing the new clothes on, I immediately take note of how annoyingly loose they were on me, the khaki shorts practically falling off my waist along with one side of the large black tank top refusing to stay on my fucking shoulder. I let out a frustrated sigh as I continue to fidget with them, though I knew that there was nothing I could fucking do about it. Besides, that wasn't the real problem...was it?

I continue to fidget with the clothes a bit longer, suddenly finding myself feeling hesitant. It wasn't that I _wasn't_ eager to figure out what the fuck was going on, it was just...well...it was just that I was finally going to get some answers. That thought alone was almost overwhelming in itself. But it wasn't just that. There was also this lingering feeling that refused to go away. It was like as soon as I walked through that door, _nothing _would ever be normal again.

Not that things have exactly been _normal_ for me since I met 'Antonio'.

Still...

Forcing myself to take in a deep breathe, I walk out of the bathroom and head towards the bedroom, finding Emma sitting cross-legged at the head of the bed, her eyes closed with her back against the wall. Emma's eyes remain closed as I fully enter the room, wondering what on earth she was doing. Before I could open my mouth to ask her though, her eyes suddenly snap open. For a moment, I could almost swear that the color of her eyes...I-I don't know, _changed _somehow. But just as soon as it came, it was suddenly gone, returning to its original olive-green color.

"Sorry about that, Lovi~!" she apologizes cheerfully, "Now, why don't you–"

I don't hear anything she says after that, instead carefully watching her eyes for any sign of the change I saw earlier. It has to happen again sometime soon...right?

"Lovino?"

Hearing my name catches back my attention and makes me aware of the curious look Emma was now giving me.

"Is something the matter?" she asks cautiously, cocking her head to the side.

"No...nothing's wrong," I mutter, running a hand through my hair in annoyance. Goddammit, I must've just imagined the whole thing...

Emma stares at me skeptically for a few moments before sighing and giving me an encouraging smile.

"Well, I was just suggesting that you sit down and make yourself comfortable," she says before gesturing to the huge bed in front her, "We have a lot to talk about after all."

I nod, cautiously walking towards the very foot of the bed before climbing on top of it, mirroring her position and crossing my legs. As soon as I'm settled, I look at Emma to see her looking back at me patiently, the same smile from before still on her face.

"Um...," I mumble lamely, uncertain on which question I should ask first before coughing a bit and finally voicing the first thing that popped into my head, "Where am I exactly?"

"We are currently residing on a privately owned beach along the coast of Spain," Emma answers without hesitation, though her expression turns concerned when I start to feel myself blanch slightly at her words, "Lovi...?"

"_S-S-Spain_...?" I stutter out in disbelief, my mind having a bit of a difficult time comprehending what she was saying that I barely even registered her speaking to me. It's just...I-I should've known that I wasn't in Sicily anymore, but fucking _Spain_?

"Why the fuck am I in _Spain_?" I incredulously ask myself out loud.

"Because Antonio's 'home' is the safest place for you to be," Emma's voice states matter-of-factly, her voice snapping me out of my stupor, "No one can enter his domain without his permission, not even _him_."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I question, unable to stop myself from frowning, "Who the fuck is 'he'?" Emma doesn't answer me immediately, her face darkening as her eyes bear such an unfathomable hatred. It was exactly the same as when I first woke up.

"Life," she mutters at last, as if that one word explained everything. I can't help but raise a skeptical eyebrow at that. Okay...she completely lost me there. Did she even answer my question? Just as I'm about to open my mouth to finally ask her what the fuck she meant by 'Life', she cuts me off.

"Life is the being who created this world, along with everything in it," she explains. Though her voice is still soft, it contains no less venom in it than it did earlier.

"So Life's...God...?" I ask carefully, finally realizing that 'Life' was a very sensitive topic. For whatever reason.

"I guess that sort of depends on you...do you see Antonio as being God?"

"_Hell_ no!" I hiss out, a rapid blush starting to form on my cheeks when I'm reminded of that damned, touchy bastard. T-There's no fucking way he's _God_! He's too fucking perverted, dammit!

Emma seems taken aback by my reaction, the hatred in her eyes immediately dissipating as they blink at me rapidly in confusion. Suddenly she bursts out laughing, looking like she would've fallen over backwards if the wall wasn't there to support her.

"T-Then no...Life isn't God," Emma chokes out through her laughter, going into a small fit of giggles when I scowl at her and cross my arms in embarrassment, my cheeks still burning. It takes a moment before she finally stops laughing, a small, apologetic smile replacing it before she explains, "Life and Death are both equals...two sides of the same coin. One simply cannot exist without the other. If you don't see one as God, then neither should the other. Do you see what I'm trying to say, Lovi?"

I'm caught off guard by her question, but I contemplate it nonetheless, looking past her at nothing in particular while I think about it. Well...I guess when she puts it_ that _way, it does kinda makes sense...

"I guess so...," I relent finally, uncrossing my arms to set them on my knees. A question suddenly pops in my head and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, frowning as I look back at Emma, who's now giving me a confused look, "Wait...you said that as long as I'm here, I would be safe from Life...right?"

Emma nods her head, though still looking confused as I gulp loudly. For some reason, my heart started thumping wildly in my chest, the blood in my veins turning cold at the thought.

"Well...," I start to say, my lips suddenly feeling dry as I go to lick them, "Why would Life want to hurt _me_ in the first place? I-It's not like I did anything wrong, at least not compared to any other scumbag..."

I trail off when, much to my surprise, Emma starts to look extremely uncomfortable, averting her eyes from me. Without warning or explanation, the image of the cloaked figure from that dream I had before waking up enters my mind. Realization seems to hit me hard when I realize the smile that the figure gave me. But it wasn't just the fact that figure was smiling at me, it was the _way_ they did it that made me finally realize something crucial.

It was that same exact smile that _Antonio_ gave me.

B-But that's all it was, wasn't it? A _dream_? I-It couldn't be real...

Because there's no fucking way that _that _was a memory or something...r-right?

Despite the growing anxiety that I was feeling, this intense feeling of getting close to finally discovering _something_ important overwhelmed everything else. I wasn't sure yet what that 'something' was, but I knew without a doubt that I _had_ to know what it was...I just _had_ to...

"That 'dream' wasn't really a dream...was it?" I hear myself ask as I look down at the bed in concentration, "B-But if...if it wasn't just a dream, then that alley wasn't the first time that I'd met Antonio. But that would mean..." I trail off after that, taking a deep, shaky breath to try to recollect my thoughts and to put them into words. My heart starting to beat even faster as I began to feel the beginnings of realization dawning on me.

"That deal...the one that Antonio offered me when I met him for the first time. What was it...?" I ask softly, forcing myself to look back at Emma in order to gauge her reaction. I could feel my nails begin to painfully dig into my knees, knowing that whatever her answer was would finally allow me to figure out what I so _desperately_ needed to know.

Emma simply stares back at me with an uneasy expression on her face though, her eyes showing an inner conflict to them.

"Lovino...," she says carefully, "I think that's something you should talk to–"

Emma suddenly stops talking, her eyes snapping towards something to her left, widening in what looked to be pure horror. That's when I smelled it: that strong, coppery smell that I could practically taste every time I had to breathe it in. That same stench that I could never fully erase from my mind, having smelled it one too many times during and after various 'jobs'. Slowly, I turn my head towards the patio and that's when I saw it.

Red.

So much _red_.

"Antonio!"


	7. When Angels Deserve to Die

**A/N: **So…although I would rather keep this at a 'T' rating, there are certain scenes that will come up soon that are going to be dangerously close to the 'M' rating, so I switched it just in case. Maybe it should be for Lovi's language alone, haha. But if y'all think it could still be considered rated 'T' when the time comes, let me know, yeah? Ta~!

* * *

**When Angels Deserve to Die**

What the...

I continue to stare, frozen to the spot as my mind attempts to process what exactly I'm seeing.

Antonio is leaning heavily against the doorway for support, barely able to even keep himself upright and whose head is bowed down from the pain as he gasps in short lungfuls of air with harsh, rapid breathes. His black dress pants are the only article of clothing that remained in tact, what looks to be a matching black dress shirt that is so fucking _shredded_ that I wouldn't have been able to know what it was if not for the collar that is somehow still buttoned around his neck. The rest of it barely hangs onto his frame, allowing me to see all of the…all of the…

Bile rises up in my throat and I suddenly feel the need to throw up, yet I'm unable to tear my eyes away either.

H-His skin...

_Fuck_.

It…It looks like someone tried to open him up to find out just _how_ the human body worked, but had no fucking clue what they were doing…

Just what the fuck _happened _to him...?

With a tortured groan Antonio crumples down to the ground and Emma immediately rushes over to his side to try and help him up, all the while muttering something to him in a frantic tone.

I remain frozen until I hear a resigned sigh to my right, my head automatically snapping towards the sound to see a tall man now standing besides me.

W-What the…where the fuck did _he_ come from? He wasn't there a second ago.

I don't move away though, instead looking up at him cautiously, unsure what to make of the stranger yet. He doesn't_ seem_ like a threat though...

The man has blonde hair that's spiked upwards, his eyes an olive-green that are _a lot _like Emma's. He's wearing a simple black tank and matching cargo pants, while a contradicting blue and white striped scarf is wrapped loosely around his neck. Nestling in his arms is a small white rabbit, the animal carefully being cradled. Both of them are staring straight ahead at, what I'm guessing to be, Antonio and Emma. Though instead of looking panicked or even worried, the man looks, well…_bored_. Call me fucking insane, but even the fucking_ rabbit _looks more concerned than the man with its head cocked to the side like that.

"I can't believe that fucking moron fell for such an obvious trap..."

I frown, the man's words catching me off guard. I mean…sure his expression is a bit bored-looking but still, I did _not _expect him to be so…well, _uncaring _about it all.

"Not now, Daan," Emma's voice snaps, and I look back to find her kneeling down besides Antonio, glaring daggers at the man next to me. Behind her Antonio is leaning back against the wall by the patio door, no doubt because of Emma's help. Not wanting to look at his chest again though, I instead focus on his expression. I frown, you can obviously tell that he's still in a great amount of pain…which is unsurprising, really. His eyes are firmly closed shut and his eyebrows are furrowed in pain, drops of perspiration gathering on his forehead. Although he_ did _seem to be breathing much easier than before…his breathes coming out a little more evenly now. It looks like the new position helped somehow.

The man (_Daan_, I think?) snorts and I tear my eyes away from Antonio to look at him curiously, "Well, I'm guessing since Life isn't tearing through the walls yet-"

Emma lets out a frustrated sigh and I glance back to see her scowling, the expression not sitting right on her face.

"Honestly? Do you really think _now's _the time to-?"

"-then that must mean that for once the moron wasn't actually stupid enough to-,"

"Daan!"

"-give Life permission to-"

"_Daan_! That's-!"

"Enough."

The calm command is given so quietly that I almost don't hear it, but as soon as that one word is uttered neither Daan or Emma say another word. Slowly, I look over towards where Antonio was to see him now standing fully upright, though his back is against the wall. Despite his blank expression, I can't bring myself to look anywhere else, still not wanting to look at his wounds. Carefully, Antonio pushes himself off the wall to stand on his own, all the while his expression unchanging.

"I want you two to go to Italy immediately," Antonio mutters, keeping his blank gaze behind me, "Find every so-called 'angel' that you find there and take them out. I don't want a single one left. Is that clear?"

I blink rapidly in confusion. Wait…did he really say 'angel' just now?

Daan makes an annoyed 'tsk' noise behind me.

"Fucking moron. You _know_ that we don't stand a chance if Life decides to-"

"That won't be a problem," Antonio cuts him off softly, his face and tone neutral, "By the time he even notices what's going on you two will have long finished."

"But Antonio-"

"That's an order."

Despite Antonio's tone remaining as blank as his expression, his tone somehow became so cold and so…so _absolute _that a violent shiver goes down my spine. Not out of fear, no…no, that definitely isn't it. I don't know what exactly the feeling was to be honest, but I just _know _that it isn't fear, though I also had no fucking clue as to why. Because at that very moment, everything about him: his tone, his eyes, the way he seems to carry himself as he stares past me…

Everything about him just _screams_ 'dangerous.'

For a split second, I even forget about just how injured he is.

Surprisingly, Daan doesn't say anything more. I don't have time to be too confused about it when without warning, Antonio slumps forward, falling down onto his hands and knees. His hands fist themselves against the carpet, a pained hiss escaping his lips when he begins to curl into himself. Finally remembering just how injured the bastard was, I turn to ask Emma what the fuck we should do when I find myself alone with Antonio; Emma and Daan nowhere in sight. Antonio lets out a muffled moan, and before I can even think twice about it I'm already rushing over to him, immediately falling onto my knees when I'm in front of him. My hands quickly find their way to his shoulders, trying in vain to get him to sit upright again. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…this _cannot _be a good position for him to be in, dammit!

"C-Come on, stupid bastard, get the fuck up," I mumble out angrily, my efforts continuing to be unsuccessful. Fuck, he's not even _budging_. "You're going to fucking make it worse if you stay curled up like that, dammit…"

I yelp when his hand unexpectedly clamps itself around my wrist, his fingers gently, yet firmly, keeping a hold on me. Slowly, Antonio lifts his head up to look at me, giving me a weak smile when he finally looks at my face.

"There's no need to look so worried, mi querido…I'll be fine," he murmurs, his voice hoarse as his fingers briefly squeeze my wrist. "Just give me a moment."

I snort and roll my eyes, entirely unconvinced. Does he really fucking expect me to believe such bullshit?

Antonio lets out a small chuckle before pushing himself until he's sitting upright, resting his back against the wall again. The whole time I carefully watch his expression, but despite a wince from the initial movement, he seems better…better than I would've expected even. I frown, how is that even possible though?

Antonio is downright grinning at me now, taking the wrist that is still in his hand and slowly guiding it downwards, letting out a genuine laugh to my widen eyes when I figure out that he's leading it to his chest. I start sputtering out incoherent protests before Antonio gently cuts me off by briefly placing a finger on my lips with his other hand, giving me a brilliant white smile.

"Don't worry...it's okay," he promises gently, slowly moving his finger away from my lips. When I feel raised skin under my hand, I furrow my brow in confusion, the texture feeling strangely crusty. My eyes finally drift downwards to his chest and I start, shocked to find large expanses of dried blood caked across his chest, each of the more concentrated areas being around the same size and shape of the open wounds I _knew_ were there earlier. B-But that's fucking _impossible_…there's just no fucking way that his wounds would just...close up like that! Not without there being proper stitching at least…

I rub the nail of my thumb over where it was rested on his chest, still having trouble believing it. The dried blood easily scrapes off and I watch in fascination when I find scar tissue buried underneath it. The scar looks newer if I had to guess, but still...it's completely healed over. How in the world…?

"I am Death itself…I _cannot _die. Not even if I wanted to."

I snap out of my daze to look up at Antonio's face, my face heating up when I realize just how close our faces were to each other. _God_, I hope my face isn't as red as it feels.

"I fucking know that you can't die, idiot," I snap weakly, refusing to acknowledge the confusing emotions now curling up in my chest. Antonio simply stares at me and I fidget uncomfortably, forcing myself to stare back at him despite finding it more and more difficult as the seconds tick by.

Finally Antonio furrows his brow in confusion. "I don't understand then...it's pointless to care. I would heal regardless."

An unexplainable anger seizes hold of me and I stop fidgeting, my gaze sharpening. "You can still feel pain." It wasn't a question.

Antonio frowns slightly but after a moment he nods slowly. "Yes." I don't move, stubbornly keeping my ground even as he leans his face closer to mine, his face so close that I can feel the faintest brush of his lips against my own. "But it's nothing I can't handle."

The scoff barely leaves my mouth when Antonio places a lazy kiss on my mouth, cutting it off. Flashes of _something_ pass through my mind and I start, unsure about what just happened. My heart starts pounding in my chest, more and more of the strange somethings fluttering through my mind the longer his lips linger. None of them make sense though...remaining fuzzy at best. Are they images...? Sounds? I don't _know_.

Soon the pounding in my chest is on the verge of becoming unbearable and I clench my eyes shut, gasping in a shaky breathe as I try to regain control. Immediately taking advantage of my open mouth, Antonio's tongue darts inside, languidly sliding against my own like he didn't have a care in the fucking world.

That's when everything shifts.

Everything suddenly becomes _too_ _much _and I can feel my mind desperately trying to find something, _anything_, to keep itself grounded through the overwhelming onslaught of these _somethings_. When a tongue runs itself along my bottom lip, part of the somethings abruptly focus themselves into startling clarity. There are warm hands are coming into into contact all over my now heated skin, touching everything that they could reach. It all feels so goddamn _good_ that I can't help a moan from making its way up my throat, my heart pounding in my chest for an entirely different reason now. When the hands suddenly disappear I groan at the loss of contact, my eyes snapping open to see Antonio leaning back with a look of concern on his face. He continues to look at me with a look of concern before he places his hand on my forehead. An explosion of images and sounds and _emotions_ consuming everything else in my mind. Images of dark rooms and flawless, naked skin coming into view as soon as the hand makes contact with my skin. Feelings of that very same skin rubbing against my own as pleasured gasps are coming from both me and my partner, filling up the otherwise silent room. My chest feeling like it was going to fucking explode with _something_ as I look at their eyes. All of the visions being with the same person in _every single one_.

All of them with_ Antonio_.

Once in awhile though, I see Antonio frowning, the room turning light instead dark. I can hear the sound of waves when that happens and in those moments he's sitting back against a wall, frowning at me. How did his lips get so far away...?

"¿Querido? Are you feeling alri-?"

I surge forward to capture his lips in a heated kiss with a groan. _Much_ better.

Antonio goes back and forth between being relaxed and tense, so when he becomes tense again in the light I push him up against the wall, harshly biting his lower lip in order to snap him out of whatever it was that was keeping him from kissing me back already! I feel like I could sob in relief when I finally hear him moan, his body starting to relax as he starts kissing me back with equal fever. Fucking_ finally_...

It's dark again when Antonio's hands start to make their way up my shirt, I firmly grab hold of his wrists and force them on either side of his head. He doesn't even resist, gasping loudly when I bend my head down to furiously lick and suck at his throat. I don't stop until I'm sure a dark bruise has formed, and when it's light again, I lean back and watch as it disappears in the sunlight, the bruise going from blue to yellow to nothing in a matter of seconds.

It's still light when I glance up, finding Antonio's lips damp and still somehow swollen, his breathing coming out in fast pants. His expression looks tortured as he gazes back at me though and I frown, going in for another kiss, needing that look to be gone. But before I can he tilts his face away at the last moment, briefly bumping his nose against my cheek before placing a soft kiss at the corner of my mouth. A second doesn't even go by before darkness starts to invade my vision, all of the sensations, images, and emotions fading away along with it, with only a blissful silence remaining. Antonio's low voice floats across my mind, the sound pulling me into a deeper slumber.

"Lo siento, mi querido..."

Then there's nothing.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so I did try my best but I know that towards the end of the chapter it was still probably a bit confusing (due to the fact that it _was_ in Lovi's POV, it was bound to happen), but in case it still wasn't clear, I'll explain here. Lovi was experiencing all of these uh, rather steamy past memories with Antonio, but since they were all coming back to him all at once, he couldn't distinguish the past from the present, and _that's_ why he looses himself for a brief period of time. Hence the OOCness. Basically, when it's dark, that's the past, and when it's light, that's the present. There is a reason why his memories come all at once like that, but you won't find _that_ out until a later chapter (in case you were wondering). If you're still confused on any of that, and it won't give the story away for later on, PM me and I'll try to explain that part better :)


End file.
